Pearls

I miss my son.

I really enjoyed my date with him. We opened up his first bank account and he was so professional. He wanted to recite all of the relevant information himself and was curious about all of the terms of the account. Next we went to spend his gift certificate at Target from his birthday. He really wanted a baseball computer game and there wasn't one, so we looked at the Gameboy games and there wasn't one, so we went to the toys and he set his heart on a little electric guitar. It made my heart sing to get him an instrument over a video game so we got Icees to celebrate. We went home and tried out his guitar, it was fabulously fun to watch him concentrate so hard on the sounds he was orchestrating, we discovered every edge and curve of his zebra striped guitar then we left on our bikes to get some dinner. Dante wanted a buffet and streak, we compromised with Chinese and he had taryaki chicken on a stick. After we stuffed ourselves silly and I told him about work and he told me about school we went to visit cousin Micah on the way to the cheap seats. Dante and he played chess and I discovered a kneeling chair that I fell in love with. We carried our good energy with us to the discount theatre where we watch the motorcycles flick Wild Hogs. Hilarious. We rode our bikes back home at 11pm and found our selves dreamily comforted by our evening and entered our slumber more quickly and peacefully than usual. I love my son.

Saturday was tougher. Joel and I weren't clicking. I was feeling disconnected and Joel was still stuck in "island" mode, not talking about things with me or including me in any of his thoughts/ Not really absorbing anything I was saying, simply on autopilot. We surmounted our morning to have a relatively pleasant afternoon walking down with the girls to the children's museum meeting up with Angie and her children. Sienna had diareah and shat all over the ground, her dress, underwear and Joel's arm (watch included all the little holes in the watch strap included). After cleaning her the best we could and keeping her in a diaper the rest of the day we pursued the museum and had good time. The way home proved difficult again for Joel and I. I was still feeling disconnected and sensitive with him and needed more affection and response than I was getting. I became ever more unpleasant to be around and had the first incling of an ever more difficult weekend for me physically and emotionally. I was feeling ill when we got home and tried to rest. Joel was a little more receptive and heard me out. I listened to him as well and we made a plan of action to relax and spend some more good time with the girls. Off to the mall we went.

Avra and I got our ears pierced. this is a nervous situation for me because my mother and i are both very allergic to nickle and even yellow gold contained nickel. So i used white gold and gave Avra 24c gold just in case. We spent over $50 so I let Avra pick out a $25 free item (the special they were running that weekend). She picked out a beautiful double heart necklace.

Avra and Sienna were so brave for me. They held my knee as I became scared, Sienna handed me the "pierced puppy" the piercing place had. Avra didn't even flinch when she got hers done.

Joel thought we should just peak at some belated engagement rings. I just wanted a simple pearl on a gold band. Boy was that difficult. They want to put so many complicated things around a pearl to try to make it "more elegant, more beautiful, more desirable, more valuable." I enjoy the pearl because of the time it take to grow and cultivate, it symbolizes what a marriage should become, more elegant and valuable with the years. It starts as just a grain a desire a wish and eventually and slowly with its own time and its own ways grows into a magnificent jewel. A diamond to me seems forced. By heat and pressure mined at the cost of quarrel and strife. It is not what I want my marriage represented by (though it feels that way sometimes). At the 5th store I found what I was looking for. I handed him my wedding band to have cleaned, winked and said I will use the restroom now, you can surprise me later. I want Joel to really think about what it represents for him and I certainly will give it that same thought and compassion. I do love my husband, I want us to be happy, but it will take time to have the intimacy that neither of us learned in our youth. It is a dream and desire we share and it is a deficiency we are both dealing with.