I am taking a vow of simplicity. What this fully entails I am not sure of yet but I need this work in progress to begin at some point and I am tired of feeling overwhelmed by my life. Simplicity in food, clothing, shelter, creed, relationships, beliefs, words, and works.
Most important is to make sure each of my moments is being used to promote my life and the balance of all life.
I love the earth, my children, my husband, my family, and my friends. I have simple needs but confuse those with far more complex desires that haunt and distract me.
It is the time of winter, north, dreams and ancestors. This is a good time for creating plans and preparing for the spring of our new day. I take comfort in the white blanket of this time and appreciate the teachings of simpler ways and simpler times.
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Monday, December 15, 2008
Winter
I am in love at last. It has taken 5 long years and another 29 but as the ice melts my love grows.
I am letting my husband in finally, and part of that is the process of letting myself out. I decided to go hog wild. Instead of pursuing a license in Alcohol and Drug counseling I am pursuing my Masters in Counseling with an emphasis in Mental Health. The most important part of the program is the focus on self cultivation. No one wants a therapist more fucked up than the patient. I have spend the last half of this year working on my own self education and despite the seduction of becoming stuck in myself I have actually blossomed and begun to express myself again. It can become tough when you feel trapped in your life to let yourself out. But love feels good, life feels good, my husband feels good.
This self explosion has been 29 years in the making. It's about damn time especially in light of my 3rd decade coming to completion.
A few things had to wane in order for me to grow. I left my fellowship. This was hard. For 10 years I have been teaching religious education to all different age groups and it has been an important focus for me. For the last 4years I have been working specifically with Senior High youth. This was my passion my niche in the fellowship. Mentoring, discussing, bonding, and challenging youth to simply be took far more bucking of the system than I could have imagined in such a liberal faith. But adults are adults no matter what their political and theological leanings and they will never get past that youth are not simply little adults; they are vibrant creative beings at their own level of existence... I really think we give some of that up to take on the illusion of adulthood's massive "responsibilities."
I also took a break from the Tao group and it is proving for its own benefit. The new DRE for the fellowship pursued making the Tao group a more formal meeting within the fellowship. This could be seen as either positive or negative depending on your perspective but what it did was show the true muster of the remaining Tao group participants. The Tao is a mystery that flows endlessly with no beginning and no end. This could be understood as meaning that a monthly Wednesday night meeting decided but governing board of the fellowship as an inflexible offering of the FVUUF is not very Tao like but the reaction to it was. Now called the two-headed Tao group a faction has decided to at least have a second rotating meeting at Harmony Cafe advertised in the Scene newspaper. I give my kudos to the remaining members and will be so happy to join at Harmony Cafe as a random participant instead of an organizer and facilitator. I am not to comfortable with roles of power and others looking to me for direction. I prefer looking into myself and working to be a mirror for others.
I am at peace and working to maintain harmony in my education, family, vocation, and self.
I am letting my husband in finally, and part of that is the process of letting myself out. I decided to go hog wild. Instead of pursuing a license in Alcohol and Drug counseling I am pursuing my Masters in Counseling with an emphasis in Mental Health. The most important part of the program is the focus on self cultivation. No one wants a therapist more fucked up than the patient. I have spend the last half of this year working on my own self education and despite the seduction of becoming stuck in myself I have actually blossomed and begun to express myself again. It can become tough when you feel trapped in your life to let yourself out. But love feels good, life feels good, my husband feels good.
This self explosion has been 29 years in the making. It's about damn time especially in light of my 3rd decade coming to completion.
A few things had to wane in order for me to grow. I left my fellowship. This was hard. For 10 years I have been teaching religious education to all different age groups and it has been an important focus for me. For the last 4years I have been working specifically with Senior High youth. This was my passion my niche in the fellowship. Mentoring, discussing, bonding, and challenging youth to simply be took far more bucking of the system than I could have imagined in such a liberal faith. But adults are adults no matter what their political and theological leanings and they will never get past that youth are not simply little adults; they are vibrant creative beings at their own level of existence... I really think we give some of that up to take on the illusion of adulthood's massive "responsibilities."
I also took a break from the Tao group and it is proving for its own benefit. The new DRE for the fellowship pursued making the Tao group a more formal meeting within the fellowship. This could be seen as either positive or negative depending on your perspective but what it did was show the true muster of the remaining Tao group participants. The Tao is a mystery that flows endlessly with no beginning and no end. This could be understood as meaning that a monthly Wednesday night meeting decided but governing board of the fellowship as an inflexible offering of the FVUUF is not very Tao like but the reaction to it was. Now called the two-headed Tao group a faction has decided to at least have a second rotating meeting at Harmony Cafe advertised in the Scene newspaper. I give my kudos to the remaining members and will be so happy to join at Harmony Cafe as a random participant instead of an organizer and facilitator. I am not to comfortable with roles of power and others looking to me for direction. I prefer looking into myself and working to be a mirror for others.
I am at peace and working to maintain harmony in my education, family, vocation, and self.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
As it Sits
Two weeks from tomorrow and I will be home... It has been awhile and the house sure shows it. Not one room has been thoroughly gone through in over a year, the closets are stuffed, the floors dirty, the walls stained. My first few jobs will be big ones but necessary.
Plant the garden, clean each room systematically, repair and clean the cars, repair the hall window upstairs, paint, redo the flower beds, and this summer we do Mom and Dad's room.
I need a small part time job too... that can wait a little bit, no sweat.
I am applying for a certificate program, something to pursue for in the future. I am excited and can work slowly and the area fills my soul.
Most importantly continue to center in my spirituality. I have really enjoyed the Buddhist group and will spend more time and energy on the Tao group. Planning a retreat and helping to make the meetings more dymanic. Also the friends I keep, help keep me sane. I have taken a lot from them this past year because of the needs of working and mothering and wifing, now I can give back quite a bit more I hope.
Plant the garden, clean each room systematically, repair and clean the cars, repair the hall window upstairs, paint, redo the flower beds, and this summer we do Mom and Dad's room.
I need a small part time job too... that can wait a little bit, no sweat.
I am applying for a certificate program, something to pursue for in the future. I am excited and can work slowly and the area fills my soul.
Most importantly continue to center in my spirituality. I have really enjoyed the Buddhist group and will spend more time and energy on the Tao group. Planning a retreat and helping to make the meetings more dymanic. Also the friends I keep, help keep me sane. I have taken a lot from them this past year because of the needs of working and mothering and wifing, now I can give back quite a bit more I hope.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
A new Step a new Plan
Wow, I truly did not think this would happen for me. Joel did the job thing. He spent 2 months updating resume, creating networks and contact and most importantly building up his confidence and self esteem. My hubby got himself a brand new job. Complete with higher wage, a commute and some travel. This is a huge change. My plans will need to be reworked, but as is life. I am so happy to see him so happy with his own accomplishment. This job forces us to deal with a few quandaries. 1. This job is intensive and demanding, it is in Green Bay and his office is out of Chicago, I can no longer work full time if we want to still have any relationship with our children. 2. I quit my job, my first real professional job, I am sad 3. We will not be going to Iowa anytime soon 4. I will need to find part time work and refigure my goals by mid summer. This is a lot to think about but good to get into perspective now. Short post but more to come!!!
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Busy Busy Bee
Sienna hates me Avra doesn't know me and Dante just shakes his head. Mom just isn't around. I need more time with them. Hence P.O.P 2.1 or 1.2 depending on what Joel types in his messages to me. Pay of PMI is the goal for the beginning of this year. Our taxes, bonus, any extra money coming our way will go to paying off our 20% down on the house. With PMI off out mortgage we can refinance it lower our payments rework our budget and hopefully by summer spend much more time together as a family and not so much time working.
Semitic studies in early modern comics. This is the class I am signed up for and I also found an online philosophy of religion class I hope to take. My goals are getting clearer the road more real and the challenges for confrontational. Iowa here we come someday. We will have the equity I will have the letters of recommendation and now we just need the patience and understanding of our children family and friends for this scholastic venture into Iowa in a few years. Professor Taylor sounds nice, but intellectual freedom sounds nicer.
Annie set me up with a new love and interest recently, Joel eat your heart out but there is a new man of consequence in my life, Joseph Campbell, the more I read about him the more I am willing to feel vindicated and right about my own views on spirituality and religion. I understand him and though he is almost 20 years gone I feel he understands me. He also started a Catholic turned to spirituality by the native history of out nation. I am Chippewa and was raised with those stories. I found psychology, eastern religion and then eventually self acceptance of my unorthodox and big picture thoughts. I will enjoy learning m ore about him and perhaps writing a review of him for admissions.
-Thank you Annie
Erin gave me great insight into his very successful and progressively manages tech business. This would be a realistic industry for me to fall back on, but I must first fail miserably at my own ambitions. Thank you Erin.
Angie you have given me acceptance and flattery by asking me to help with your project I will not let you down and we will get Jason to open up yet...how cool am I that I also own an INDEPENDENT sweatshirt.... I think I will wear it next time I am around him.
Melissa- I was blessed with one of the most wonderful date nights in a while, even mama mia will have a hard beating out the gambling camaraderie established the other night.
I was low today but I have been brought out of the dark by my own insight with a little help. As a wise man once said...
GOOD! I want you day dreaming, that's where the grandiose dreams of life are hatched...
those golden dreams that inspire us to defy gravity and believe in the unbelievable. Let the world work on whittling away your dream, that's what reality is good for. Our work is to keep the dream big, to move the world to make it fit... and to never stop dreaming.
So keep on Renee, without dreams life is drab, our thoughts settle, and there is nothing to illuminate another way.
You inspire me!- Joel Taylor
Semitic studies in early modern comics. This is the class I am signed up for and I also found an online philosophy of religion class I hope to take. My goals are getting clearer the road more real and the challenges for confrontational. Iowa here we come someday. We will have the equity I will have the letters of recommendation and now we just need the patience and understanding of our children family and friends for this scholastic venture into Iowa in a few years. Professor Taylor sounds nice, but intellectual freedom sounds nicer.
Annie set me up with a new love and interest recently, Joel eat your heart out but there is a new man of consequence in my life, Joseph Campbell, the more I read about him the more I am willing to feel vindicated and right about my own views on spirituality and religion. I understand him and though he is almost 20 years gone I feel he understands me. He also started a Catholic turned to spirituality by the native history of out nation. I am Chippewa and was raised with those stories. I found psychology, eastern religion and then eventually self acceptance of my unorthodox and big picture thoughts. I will enjoy learning m ore about him and perhaps writing a review of him for admissions.
-Thank you Annie
Erin gave me great insight into his very successful and progressively manages tech business. This would be a realistic industry for me to fall back on, but I must first fail miserably at my own ambitions. Thank you Erin.
Angie you have given me acceptance and flattery by asking me to help with your project I will not let you down and we will get Jason to open up yet...how cool am I that I also own an INDEPENDENT sweatshirt.... I think I will wear it next time I am around him.
Melissa- I was blessed with one of the most wonderful date nights in a while, even mama mia will have a hard beating out the gambling camaraderie established the other night.
I was low today but I have been brought out of the dark by my own insight with a little help. As a wise man once said...
GOOD! I want you day dreaming, that's where the grandiose dreams of life are hatched...
those golden dreams that inspire us to defy gravity and believe in the unbelievable. Let the world work on whittling away your dream, that's what reality is good for. Our work is to keep the dream big, to move the world to make it fit... and to never stop dreaming.
So keep on Renee, without dreams life is drab, our thoughts settle, and there is nothing to illuminate another way.
You inspire me!- Joel Taylor
Friday, January 11, 2008
One for the Money Two for the show
It sure has been awhile but a lot has certainly occured in that time to prevent me from entering those events in.
My friend Annie entered me in on her new Bluufox website. It was a neat interview process and I appreciate her journalistic savvy. You can read it at http://reneetaylor.blogspot.com/.
I also had a wonderfully successful retreat experience with Joel for the Heart to Heart. This was a weekend of introspection and couple dialogue meant to spur new connection and better conversation on important matters of our lives. It was wonderful while it lasted. Presently Joel is on the couch, we are taking "time apart" to think about what we really want from life and from each other. Apparently Joel is really taking advantage of this time he has been impressing me with interesting insights about himself and life. He has been exercising and going in early in the morning so we don't see him then but I do get some good alone time then on Thursdays he takes the evening to write read go out do what he likes. I have started my French Class and am ready to sign up for my first religious studies class next Monday. I am still going strong with the Tao group and have been managing work and home far more successfully.
I had quite a few lofty New Years goals, the most important are to continue with my educational goals and get healthy. I decided a workout class was not quite my style but I have made workout time!! Twice a week for now. I am also spending time reading and being with the kids more. I will soon being spending a lot more time studying but I am excited for that.
I have been reestablishing my friendships with much rigor, I miss them and needs them and have so much fun with them...all I can say is PervArtistry!?!?!?!?!
I will try to be more diligent not that other's depend on this sight, Melissa, but I need it to vent and explore who I am and what I want out of life.
Talk to you soon-
My friend Annie entered me in on her new Bluufox website. It was a neat interview process and I appreciate her journalistic savvy. You can read it at http://reneetaylor.blogspot.com/.
I also had a wonderfully successful retreat experience with Joel for the Heart to Heart. This was a weekend of introspection and couple dialogue meant to spur new connection and better conversation on important matters of our lives. It was wonderful while it lasted. Presently Joel is on the couch, we are taking "time apart" to think about what we really want from life and from each other. Apparently Joel is really taking advantage of this time he has been impressing me with interesting insights about himself and life. He has been exercising and going in early in the morning so we don't see him then but I do get some good alone time then on Thursdays he takes the evening to write read go out do what he likes. I have started my French Class and am ready to sign up for my first religious studies class next Monday. I am still going strong with the Tao group and have been managing work and home far more successfully.
I had quite a few lofty New Years goals, the most important are to continue with my educational goals and get healthy. I decided a workout class was not quite my style but I have made workout time!! Twice a week for now. I am also spending time reading and being with the kids more. I will soon being spending a lot more time studying but I am excited for that.
I have been reestablishing my friendships with much rigor, I miss them and needs them and have so much fun with them...all I can say is PervArtistry!?!?!?!?!
I will try to be more diligent not that other's depend on this sight, Melissa, but I need it to vent and explore who I am and what I want out of life.
Talk to you soon-
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