Simple but not so simple

I have effectively succeeded at feeling completely unsuccessful much of the time. I am still pursuing simplicity. It is happening slowly but it has proven very difficult. I have been working very hard through the expectations I have as a parent and spouse and they do not always line up with simplicity.

I want to continue to work on my Master's degree, this will significantly enable me to puruse my passion but it takes up 15 hours a week. I also want to volunteer my time to a correlating and worthy cause, 3 hours a week. I still need to work, 20 hours a week. I have taken on an extra job task through work, 0-6 hours a week. Yet, my kids need a mom full time (45 hours a week) and my husband is so lost in this relationship that I feel he needs a guide (20 hours a week). Not simple at all. But I don't know how to shave things off. I have 30minutes a day to contemplate and more if I want to feel like a procratinator.

I would love to quit my job and spend more time pursuing my passions as I gear up for this fantastic career of counseling. My volunteering is only once per month, but the work is all comsuming even though it is a part time job. I miss my kids and do not have the emotional energy to pursue my marriage, unfortunately it is often the least rewarding with the least return and most output. It sounds mathmatical and harsh, but I really need to focus on life giving things and my marriage doesn't seem to be one of those things a lot of the time.

My husband is a good man, he is supportive of my path by saying so. But he is not a very emotionally available person with interest in our life together or our life as parents.

I have been wrestling with religion and my children. I want them to be grounded in morals and mystery and inquiry. I do not want them indoctrinated into Christianity (because the churches around us are globally exclusive) So I am working on finding opportunities with real people in public and free time to explore and question.

I have been eating and sleeping like junk, no matter how much I would like to simplify there I still am on 3rd shifts every other week and it takes about 3 days to adjust either way. My body is in need of exercise but my being is so exhausted.

Enough negativity. I am coming to the end of a long night and needed to share. But there is always light at the end of my tunnel and I am feeling more connected to my children every day.